Each of us, at some point, has likely worked for someone else, had a boss. Knowing how to set up a positive and efficient relationship with your manager is vital for a healthy and prosperous work life. The chances are that you will not select your manager. You will have to deal with entirely different personalities and know how to adapt to new relationships is a tough business. In this story, I want to share what I believe are crucial differentiators in how we deal with managers. I want to share three points that will help you to layout an efficient and positive connection. To help you manage upwards.

1. Understand your manager’s needs

Days at the office move quick. It’s easy to forget what (and who) is next to us when we are busy getting work done. We reach for help and make the most of every connection. As humans, we naturally self-centred our actions and the results of such activities. In our world, we have needs, and we need help, we want our problems solved. It’s also easy to forget that in a team working together, as individuals we may not optimise for the team’s efficiency. If we only focus on ourselves, we forget what are the needs of the organisation and most importantly, how to help others. Leaders are not escaping such obligations. We may turn up to our boss and look for solutions to the problems we can’t seem to fix. The truth is that the more people are under your responsibility, the more issues come to your attention. Not to mention, the furthest leaders are from detailed solutions. When talking to your boss, ask yourself first what problems are they try to solve. How can you turn the table around and transform your request for help into a proposed solution?

Coming up with solutions is one of the most powerful constructs in team communication. When we solve hard problems as a team, we expect each team member to pull one part to the solution for such issues. Leaders are often the key responsible for the results of the team and look out for their teams to be empowered and solve the problems on their own. Next time you look up to your manager, ask yourself: what issues are their solving? How can you rephrase your needs for help into proposals and solutions?

2. Disagree with respect. Don’t fall for social cohesion

Ask your colleagues: what’s the number one thing that you value in others? The number one trait that forges secure connections is the truth. Honesty is the bond that makes us lower our social defences and bring people one step closer. When we believe someone is honest with us, we are more likely trustworthy and build more trust in such a relationship.

On the other hand, if anybody asks if we are honest, we are rarely able to tell the difference. We could be omitting essential details or changing the course of a story without even noticing. When we want to impress others, we embellish such stories and make them closer to what we think they like. Wanting to be loved is something much more ingrained into our nature than we may realise. The need for Social Cohesion is instinctive with us since the beginning of time.

Humans survive and prosper in groups and the willingness to cooperate and help each other comes from that: survival. In slightly more modern terms, we like when people like us back, and this is truer when we talk to people we respect, when such people hold positions of power, like being our manager. There is value in working together and build a work community that can live in harmony. But this has to be a balanced act. Disagree with respect is also a critical mechanic to ensure diverse opinions can be shared and considered. Next time you talk to your manager, ask yourself: am I too blind to raise my concerns? How can I respectfully share my point of view? Am I numbing my opinions to “make myself liked” by my peers?

3. Own it for the team

One last aspect of managing upwards is talking on behalf of a group. We may be asked to report on project status or the outcome of a team effort. Good news is easy to share. Being the bearer of great results makes us proud and more willing to share the benefit of a win with our team. When we talk about positive results, we want to make sure who listens understand how big such effort was, and describing how our full team helped, paints a much more compelling picture of this. When things are less favourable, it’s a whole different story. It’s hard to resist the temptation to still call in the team to our help. Share the blame with the team and divert some of what uncomfortable pressure we feel when we know our listener won’t like what we are about to say. When we talk to our leaders about bad news, we often have that feeling walking on thin ice: hard to predict the reactions of someone receiving one more problem to deal. Although I have no magic wand to make such pressure go away, I do have one of the best recommendations given to me a few years back. When talking to your leaders, own it for the team. Being the spokesperson for the efforts of a team does not reflect the outcome, but the means. In different words, don’t stress too much about the result. That is something that lives in the past and cannot be changed. Stress about the present, about be an owner fo the team and represent them in the best possible way.

Featured Image by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash