Successful leaders find ways to connect with their people. They do that through different aspects of their job. It could be using strict rules to follow, as in large organisations like the army. It could be sharing why it matters what they are doing together, why it’s essential to come to work every day. Connecting with people via empathy creates the strongest bonds with people and leaders who show understanding are more respected, loved and trusted. Over the years, I have been asking myself what should be the role of empathy in the leader I want to be. I draw satisfaction from the love of others. I have always indulged myself into sharing plenty of emotions with my teams, with the people around me. You are reading a story about empathy, why I believe it was a core part of my successes, and why I suggest you do the same.

To understand, share and be present

When we put ourselves into the shoes of someone else, we know a bit more of the other person challenges. We often do this in words, or our thoughts and allows us to get closer. Leading with empathy means going beyond that. I used to share at least a bit of the daily work and pain my teams were going through. It could be working on the same tasks, talking to equal partners or live their life for a day. Leaders that show empathy are ready to roll-up their sleeves and get their hands dirty. It requires courage and also skills, as not all leaders have the “know-how” to perform the jobs of their teams. In many industries, we promote managers for different skills than their workforce (e.g. have a strategic vision, know how to talk to customers), and that’s ok. Being able to go further and do the same work as your team allows you to be with them. Allows you to be present in their difficulties and show what empathy means using data, using facts. Leaders who prove to their teams that they understand the work and do not fear to be “back into the action” are also able to understand better and anticipate the problems their teams need to solve.

To develop trust with your team, be loyal.

Leaders of a large work-force often ask themselves how they can know to trust their teams. How do you know your team respect “your rules” and do what is right? When we think like this, we come up with solutions like counting the minutes of productive work on a computer desk. We see door-to-door salespersons tracked by GPS. We scale the need for control, out of control. Leaders that use empathy flip the question around. How can my team trust me? When we use our emotions, we understand that others around us have the same problems, and when we are their leaders, these questions are even louder. How can they trust a single person in charge of their jobs? The same goes for loyalty. The problem is not about the dedication of the team, but how we as leaders can be loyal to them? How can we keep faith in our pledge to lead, have a vision and secure a prosperous future for our people? Only in my later years as a manager, I discovered how true it was for me, and it allowed me to revert some of the most challenging doubts I had about my team and my leadership. When I realised that my priority should be around putting the needs of my team above mine, was the day my team trusted me. It was the day I created the strongest bonds with all of them.

To put the need for success in the right place

Teams come together to work on common goals, on shared victories. The success of individuals is primarily helped and supported by other members of the group. As leaders, we often see ourselves in a position of privilege as the main actors that make things possible. We often see ourselves in a place that needs to be successful and to be justified by the successes of the teams. When leaders overfocus on their progress, their organisations suffer. They struggle to divert their attention to the initial goals and force themselves into “do what their manager needs”. As leaders, we need to understand where to put the word “success” in our teams. There is no such thing as a successful leader and having empathy helps to clarify this. Leaders as successful the moment they understand what their teams need to be successful. It’s the moment they know what individuals need to accomplish their missions and how these individual plans come together into forming the team victory. Empathy helps realise that the right place for success, it’s in the team itself.

Thank you

Thank you for reading this story. I hope you enjoyed the article and leave your comments and suggestions to make it better. What empathy means to you?

Simone

Featured Image by Nick Fewings on Unsplash