As humans, we love making connections with others. One at a time. We connect with our peers, our family, our managers at the workplace, and we build, develop and cultivate our broader network of relationships. One on One meetings is arguably the most common ingredient that brings to life such a system. It allows us to create the connections, open our problems to others, find solutions and most importantly understands why it makes sense to be together. It is something we do instinctively, maybe because it is natural for us or even because it is part of a repetitive activity “we should do” (e.g. scheduling a regular 30 minutes catch-up with your boss).

Why better?

I decided to dedicate my career to people management, and I often come back asking myself what it means having a great one on one with the people in my team. How can I make sure I am getting the most out of such connections? And more importantly, how can I be of help for my team and deliver solutions for their problems? As leaders, is essential to keep the focus on why our connections matter, not only because we value the people we are connecting to, but we may hold a position of high respect and influence that can change lives (e.g. a team leader, a senior role in a group of peers, being a subject-matter expert). With these questions in mind, I collected a few tips that worked well for me in the past years that I wish will help you as you introspect on how good are your One on One meetings?

Work backwards for a better start

Tip #1: make it clear why you meet. What do you want to get out of the meeting? Not all One-on-One meetings are the same. Is this going to be useful for you or both? Is no surprise that the key of a successful meeting is knowing what you and with what your counterpart wants to walk away. Is it a solution to a problem? Guidance on how to move forward on a project? How to get better clarity on one issue? Be clear in saying why it’s vital for you to listen in this conversation actively: your partner will know how much you care and more likely open-up the discussion and engage with an open heart. Example:

“Thanks Alex for taking the time to this chat. It’s important for me to have this time to listen about your challenges on Project X, understand from you why it is a hard problem to solve and what can I do to help you here”.

The best time. Not the best for you

Tip #2: Let the other pick the time. Leaders often tend to manage their time and set up what they believe is an acceptable use of their time, or more merely prioritising how much time they can spare. If you are fighting to keep your calendar free, you are not the only one (yes I know, and you have my support). Forget about this for a moment. Think about what it means to give away a significant slice of your time. Ask them to choose when at which frequency and for how long they want your time in One on Ones. Ask them to think about their needs for time with you and let them put such time into your schedule. It has an incredible amount of advantages. You won’t control the time slot and be less tempted to reschedules and avoid the meetings. This mechanism will encourage people you connect with to think about how much time they need and put more energy into finding the right balance (not too short, not too frequent). Finally, it’s an act of opening up the most precious resource you have: your time. Giving it away with no restraints. Example:

“Haydar, I think we should spend some One on One time together. How about you decide what is the cadence, time and length you think would be more useful to you? My time is yours to use as much as it brings value to you. I’ll be happy to make more time if we need to”.

The Best location keeps changing

TIP#3: Take a walk outside. Walking in the open air is not only a cheap way to relax by breathing fresh air. Walking One on Ones are a great occasion to concentrate on listening: not be forced to stare at someone in the eyes for one hour, not get stuck in awkward body gestures (nodding continuously like a bobblehead), and why not, do some exercise. It helps keep the environment for the meeting less formal and more likely for the conversation to follow the same route. Not all meetings might be appropriate for an outside walk, but do ask yourself if it is worth getting out of your daily office, home, meeting space and find a place to walk and share your thoughts.

The end with no end

Tip #4: Say what you both agreed, and what’s on “The next episode”. Good conversations may not come to a real purpose, but every One on One is essential, and it helps you to put a step forward in your connection. Before leaving for another busy day, always review the core topic of conversation. Why did you like it? What did you agree to do together before “the next episode”? Taking it from your favourite TV Series: you want to know what happens next because you care, you want more, you want to put a value against the time to wait for something. Why would you come back doing the same thing all over again? The purpose is the key: say out loud why you found the time together valuable and how the conversation progressed to a meaningful result. Sometimes it can be just influencing opinion or opening up more questions. Some other times is a clear-cut decision that is easier to take in two. Think about this way: why should someone feel good after spending time with you? Maybe because you made things more transparent, perhaps because you cared, or because they needed to share their thoughts with someone. In all cases, remember to share what you both got out of the One on One, and you’ll transform one session into a series of valuable, unforgettable connections. Example:

“Thank you Kate for your time today. Talking to you about this problem, helped me realise that I don’t need to focus on all these problems, but just Y and Z. I will do that and let you know how it went next time. It was great to learn how you are thinking about X. I am happy it was useful to select this way of executing the project and I am eager to know more how your presentation went, next time we meet”.

Thank you

Thank you for reading my story. I hope you enjoyed the tips and leave your comments and suggestions to make this better. What are your secret tips to create awesome connections in One on Ones?

Simone

Featured Photo by Ian Schneider on Unsplash